On Men, Movies and How Epsom Salt Has Changed My Life

I've never subscribed to the belief that you shouldn't date someone who you wouldn't marry. I don't think that the success of a relationship is defined by how long it lasts, but more how you grow as a person, how you change. I look back a certain amount of time in my life, a fraction of what my life will be, and I see all the beautiful discoveries I made about the world and myself with the help of this other person and it is success. The point of the dates I go on, or the men I spend my time with, or how I live my life in general is not to find someone who I can plan a big party with and then attempt to live together and reproduce and find comfort and companionship. Not that I don't believe in marriage and I'm sure I'll take my walk down the aisle some day, but it's not this huge thing that must happen for me. You could argue that I'm only (almost!) 22 and I will feel that way in 5 years, and maybe I will, but while I certainly don't feel the desire to tie myself to someone for the rest of my life as soon as possible, I do strongly feel the desire to become a stable enough person to provide a home for children who need one. I realize that the whole family thing works best with two parents, but one is infinitely better than none. Anyway, what I'm getting at here is I feel quite solitary in my firm belief that it is okay to date and otherwise spend a great deal of time with someone who know you are never going to marry.

I've had several people say to me lately, "Oh Katie, you should meet SoandSo, he's in his mid 20s and nice looking and wants a girlfriend" and when I hear this I want to run away from and certainly never meet this man who is looking just for a girlfriend. What that says to me is that this man has set up in his head a certain set of requirements and if I, or some other girl who happens along first, meets those requirements he will desire her to be his girlfriend, then fiance, et cetera. And I suppose that that is enough for most people, but it is definitely not enough for me. I just feel as though all of society, especially those who are in my age range, are spending most of their time in search of this person who will meet their requirements. Maybe it's the whole years and years of societal pressure that says you're nothing if not neatly married and tied with a ribbon before your 30th birthday. And especially for women! I feel like for all the Jane Austens and Carrie Bradshaws in the world it is still frowned upon to be an unmarried woman at any age. And that is why, when I tell someone that I'm dating someone but I would never marry them, I'm asked why I'm wasting my time. First of all, any relationship with any human being is time well spent, secondly there is no giant clock ticking over my shoulder. I do not plan on having children biologically and I don't feel a husband is necessary to raise children. I sound so bitter here, but I swear lately I've been questioned on my dating life incessantly and asked, and I quote, about "marital prospects" (like I'm at a horse auction or something- "oh sorry, this one's teeth look bad, offer withdrawn, show me the next!"). It's kind of funny to hear the questions from my friends who perhaps married a little quickly because I hear the accent of jealousy, for all their declarations of happiness you can't deny how fun it is be entirely your own person.

(For all of this I'm saying here, go back to my March 6th entry, I do believe in true love and I do believe that I am destined for it.)

And now briefly on movies and Epsom salt:

I've watched Atonement and Becoming Jane lately. Both beautiful period pieces. Both heartbreaking. Both inspiring me to get my act together and write so I can finally, finally really try a shot at making movies. I just want to write movies and create characters and stories and show them to people. Every single molecule in my body just wants to be making movies with people who share this passion. There. That is something I feel incomplete without.

I injured my leg a few months ago in the big dance number in the last play I did and since then have been dealing with a calf muscle that wouldn't stop cramping. And by cramping I mean pain on a level 9, wake you up from sleep crying, all of a sudden can't walk, getting in the way of watching The Dark Knight cramping. On the advice of a Chiropractor I've been taking muscle relaxers (thanks to my mom who horded leftover meds from a car accident last December), but obviously that is a temporary fix and I prefer to live my life fairly substance free. Enter Dr Teal and his Epsom salt. I swear 30 minutes in a hot tub with 1 cup of the stuff has improved my situation hugely. Score one point for nature!

So sleep now. The next week I'll be with friends constantly, Hello Birthday!

Love,
K