I see Orion and say nothing

Just like the Ani DiFranco song, except I told Brad how I always do that last weekend. I can always spot out Orion, it's a comfort to me. I have some freckles on the inside of my left arm that look like Orion, maybe that's why I know it so well, I was born with a map of it on my body. But Brad's the kind of friend where you let him in something like that, so I felt okay sharing it. I dropped Melisa and Brad off at their homes in Bremerton and drove home with Paul McCartney, wondering at how I keep so many people at arm's distance and wishing I would stop having breakdowns of neediness. I hate when I get needy, especially when it expresses itself through the compulsive little mechanisms I know so well. But now I'm home, in my bedroom with my dog and my music and a candle and my electric blanket warming up my bed and oh my gosh I swear this is so close to perfection. It's a good feeling to know that I'm living life so fully, that I have friends I love and we spend half the nights together and even the being alone- I am fully my own person right now- even the being alone feels right. It's lonely sometimes of course, but I'm convinced I'm destined for pretty amazing love in my life and the moments of loneliness will only make the love all that more deep.

These moments, days here and there when I feel good again. I feel good about the future, excited about who I'll be in 10 years but in no hurry to get there. Sad about some of the issues, the neediness and mechanisms but even those are part of the balance. I'm getting better and better at weathering the storms. Incomplete sentences, incomplete thoughts, incomplete life.

Katie