Twenty-One and Three Quarters

I'm anxious to turn 22. Not in the way I was anxious to turn 16, 18, or 21, which was to not have my age matter anymore (besides Melisa, Lauren, and a handful of other girls I've known since Jr High every single one of my good friends are at least two years older than me, most of them about five, it's been this way with all groups of friends I've had) and have my age validated in the eyes of the law; be able to drive, vote and drink (three things that very important to me). I just want to leave this entire gloomy year of being 21 behind me. It sounds like it was all extremely depressing, and it wasn't, but I look at it as a year of heartbreak and I don't want to be in that place anymore. I always divide up my life by how old I am, it came naturally in categorizing the school years and summers because my birthday is in August. The year of being 12 was an awakening. The year of being 15 was a metamorphosis. The year of being 16 was first love and first heartbreak. The year of being 18 was becoming my own. The year of being 20 is too delicate and hopeful and a million other things to really speak of or even categorize yet. The year of being 21 has been dark (with random bursts of sunlight thanks mostly to Melisa and The Pajama Game). So, in keeping with my Declaration of Ignoring (see previous entry) I am making a second declaration, which is that since April 25th I am labeling this few months of my life as Twenty-One and Three Quarters. I'm in the light for the first time in what feels like forever. I told my mom a few days ago that if someone told me a year ago that it would take a year to finally feel like myself again I don't know how I would have been able to deal with it. I truly feel like a darkness came over me and clouded my senses. You can call it depression, sadness, loneliness, whatever. They tend to come altogether. Some people have a predisposition for melancholy and I know I'm one of those people and I know that I'll deal with it again and again in my life, but the whole point is that I'm not drowning now, I'm floating and feeling the sun on my body and it is glorious.

I took this picture yesterday and it captures I feel lately:

K