I feel it all the wings are wide

Its like little birds are flying back and forth between us, carrying little messages. I just mean that you're one of my soulmates, wherever you go and whomever you're with. You would be happy tonight, because I'm doing really well. I remember this one time in the back of a cab, we'd both had too much wine, and I told you I was always afraid that everyone would stop loving me. You were quiet, but I knew you meant that you wouldn't stop. I have a list of the five perfect moments in my life and one of them is sitting next to you at Uptown Cinema during Friends with Money. I save remembering that day for times I especially need a smile. I know it wouldn't mean a lot to you, but you were an answer to pray. You ended up kind of being my guardian angel. It's funny to me that so far in my life, a gay man has been the man who has been best at loving me. I just saw my soul reflected so much in you. I miss you so much, I miss our mornings and evenings. I miss being understood by people when I speak to them. I miss that on my worst days you always knew and would bring me homemade macaroni and cheese. I miss the day you came over and put my bed together. I miss my old life. I miss Seattle and music and movies and going out to dinner and all of my friends and not being around so much history, so many ghosts. I miss feeling anonymous. You're the thing I miss the most out of all of it though.



Living here is easier sometimes and harder others. Right now it's easy. Pretty soon it will be warm enough to spend all day floating on the lake, summer is this county's redeemer. I went through such a metamorphisis and I'm sad that not being close with you is part of that. We used to know where the other person was every minute of every day. I hope you're happy. I bet the past few months have been hard for you, they've been hard for me. The past year, actually. You were always so protective of my heart, and now I don't really have anyone doing that for me. And I guess that's good, I've learned to look out for myself better. Anyway, I just really miss you.