"I'm ending things with him for no other reason than I know I have to and I hate it. It's the saddest thing to look at each other and know you're too different to last, you're polar opposites and there isn't enough of the je ne sais quois to keep you happy. All of our differences that used to be so charming- his schedules and plans, my dreaming and roaming- we're so far away from each all of the time and we can't ignore that the future we never talk about is now here. There isn't even the pleasure of a fight, I can't be mad at him for something he said or did. He's jealous when I speak with so much passion of Ondaatje, Neruda, even the sea. And I can't breathe when he talks about the things he wants next year because I can't imagine myself even in this town in a year. We want to want the same things as each other but we don't. And he admitted to me that I want more, am destined for more, than him and it's true and I've thought it all along but when he said it it broke my heart. The saddest thing right now is that I won't miss him wildly, I won't hurt for lack of him and that seems unfair, he's such a good man and he deserves to be missed and the loss of him cried over. And I would try to resign myself to stay with him, but the thought makes me panic and I'd start to resent him. And I'm too jealous and silly to stay friends with someone I loved. So I'm ending it, and there is no way to say it eloquently, it just really really sucks."
-a few years ago
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