In case you were wondering how amazing I am, I'll tell you. Yesterday I made homemade strawberry ice cream, and it is fantastic. And because I am so obsessive I'm already plotting the 79 other flavors I'm going to make in the next few weeks. Chocolate Peanut butter (at the request of Char), Mocha, Dark Choc Raspberry, Honey Lavender (I swear that will taste great!), etc. I think I am going to have a tasting/BBQ so everyone can experience my skills.

The play closed on Sunday. I thought that I would be very sad, but I am mostly just so excited about the great new friends I made through it, and knowing that we will still see each other often. It was the best cast I've ever been a part of, everyone was so down to earth and mostly so much fun. Tuesday some of us saw Prince Caspian (wonderful, loved it so much more then the first), and hopefully there will be much more hanging out in the near future.

Char, Amiriah, Ri & his friend Jerin & I went to Folklife on Monday. It was a very nice day, we stopped by Kyle's apartment after and played many rounds of my new favorite game (courtesy of Rachel) "I am thinking of someone who is in the circle in my mind and you all have to go around the circle and ask questions such as 'If this person were a tree what tree would they be' and then you have to guess" (note: this is a working title).

House and Grey's Anatomy finales were so excellent. House was heartbreaking and I was still sniffling for an hour afterwards, and Grey's was so exciting! Both left me craving the next season- what will happen to House and Wilson's friendship? Will Alex and Izzie finally get together? I've been wanting them to get together for so long.

Things I am really into right now? Besides making ice cream:

-Listening to Matt Duke (listen to Rabbit) & Brenden James (listen to Green)

-Currently watching Australia's Next Top Model. It blows the American version out of the water, all of the girls are gorgeous and actually look like real models, the judges have impeccable taste, and the girls are put in real model-life situations. Plus I like the accent

-Melisa gave me Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert that I have yet to get started on, and actually I have a huge stack of magazines to get through and ever since my Lord of the Rings dream (see a few entries back) I've been wanting to re-read all three books. So yeah, not actually reading anything at the moment (a first for me) but next sunny day I'm not at work I am laying outside with music in my ears and a huge, cold drink and I'll get through some things.

Camping soon soon soon I hope. Oh and Huckleberry is adorable. I tried to take a cute pic of us and these are the best I could come up with:

He doesn't like taking pictures with his mom apparently.

Love,
K

Lately I feel like a giant burden has been lifted off, like I'm breathing on my own, like I'm finally in the light again. And it feels so good. This past year has been the hardest year of my life, I've felt so stretched and so sad and now, now I finally feel myself. Luckily I have my best friend, Melisa, who felt like the only person I could talk to about it all. And now it's almost summer, and everyone knows summer is magic. I finally feel like my life is some sembelence of what it was before, and that is so signifigant to me. Okay, time to start being productive.

I'm just really happy right now, and it isn't all wrapped up in someone else. And that is really, really nice.


:)

I really want to go camping, soon. I am a camping expert, I can put a tent up in like 30 seconds flat. I don't mind being dirty, I can deal with not looking too cute, I love hiking, sleeping in tents, waking up early with the sun, all of it. The only thing is, I don't really have anyone to go with. Jonathan is so busy with being a fire boy (plus Maria obviously is so cool with our super close friendship [we've been friends since we were born] but I feel like just the two of us going camping would be pushing it a little bit, a little disrespectful to their relationship), Char has school and work, I'm not sure how down Melisa would be, etc. I need to recruit some camping/hiking/outdoorsy friends! My mom is all about hiking, but we never seem to be able to coordinate the same days off to go.

Making new friends is a challenge for me. I'm not one of those people who is immediately loved by everyone, and I try to be nice and open but apparently I don't come off as completely warm and welcoming. It's frustrating because I'm sure that's on account of all of my weird little issues and self doubt and everything, but I can tell that sometimes my being reserved is read as being snobbish. When I try to curb this I just feel fake, which is worse than feeling standoffish. And it's not that I really care about being liked by the general public, I just wish I had more people in my life to hang out with. Melisa is really my only close friend in Kitsap who is single and childless and otherwise in same general phase of life as me. Really I just want a group of laid back people who would be down to drive out to the coast and go camping for a few days about once a month throughout the summer!

I have to leave for work in an hour, and I would much rather just stay here and play with my puppy. Amor.

K

Last night I had the most random dream. I dreamed that Gandalf gave me the One Ring to take to Mordor, and several of my Pajama Game castmates were the Fellowship. Shane was the Samwise Gamgee role, and Amy, Rachel, Justin and Matt were all there. So we were all in my little bmw driving through Port Orchard to Mordor and it was very scary, I had to keep hiding from the Ringwraiths and I could hear them sniffing around for me, and then all of a sudden we started getting attacked by Transformers! It was completely frightening.

Okay, more on my day later, I promised my mom I would go with her tonight to feed the homeless in Bremerton.

K

It is impossible to settle now, when you've stood next to someone and felt naked, your soul completely exposed to their eyes in the best, most honest kind of way. And now I feel so my own person in a way I haven't felt for years and I am not willing to give that up. It sounds strange to explain it, but I feel like my arms are my own, I feel like my hands and legs and every other part of my body; my heart, mind and soul only belong to me. Because there was always someone, usually the same person, who I felt my hands (et al) missing, or my eyes looking for. Now I just look for the sky and the water. Anthony told me I'm a fire sign, and that just proves to me that astrology is a crock because if I'm anything I'm a water sign. I think of the ocean constantly. I hate to be away from sea water, it makes me very uncomfortable.

I feel outside of people, and not in a negative way. I've had all of these thoughts bubbling and rolling around inside me and I'm so content to just keep them to myself and think through them. And honestly, it's all a little bit narcissistic, but being that I'm 21 and my only responsibility is a puppy I guess that's okay. I go through these slightly reclusive periods of time and all of this art comes out of me. Most of it is mediocre, but it makes me feel better and gives me a release.

Jessica is on her way over and we're going to get coffee and run some errands together. I am so thankful for the girlfriends in my life. I am surrounded by this group of amazing women and it saves me. Amor!

K