On nature, injury and quests for knowledge

After spending time in Wyoming, after driving across Montana, after another weekend at the cabin on Lake Riley, I'm convinced that the longing in my heart to live as closely immersed in nature as I can is here to stay. Whether it's a summer home, decades into the future, or a move in the next few years I don't know, but I just think that I could be very happy living in some one room cabin perfectly situated near water and open sky for an extended period of time. So there is another dream to add the huge pile already under my pillow (Want everything. If you break break going out not in. -Ondaatje).

The Wyoming trip was remarkable. The whole drive there went by in a blink for me, the combination of the scenery I couldn't take my eyes off of, Justin's company and his xm radio made the two day journey fly by. Tuesday night we arrived just in time for dinner and I was overwhelmed in the absolute best way possible by the flurry of an extended family sit down dinner. I will always be comfortable in a home full of kids and love, family. I wrote in my journal that night how after just a few hours with the Carrel family they had my affection. Justin had all of these plans for us, hiking and fishing and spelunking and more, the first thing we did was to go 4 wheeling in the badlands. Because I've already recounted it so many times I'll give you the short of it- I flipped and rolled (sideways and forward) my 4 wheeler, broke my right hand and separated my right shoulder, have a cast and a sling and a lot of vicodin. The healing of my shoulder will take an indefinite amount of time, for now and for the next few weeks I can't do anything that involves putting weight on or raising my arm (work, drive, do my own hair), I'm in pain all of the time, and my constantly on the go life has slowed dramatically to spending the weekday alone in my house and my weeknight depending on my friends (who have been wonderful). I'm saying this here not to garner pity or well-wishes, but because I'm sure this event and it's effects will be necessary knowledge to understanding future posts here. ANYWAY.

After the injury the trip was still so wonderful. For one thing I fell even more in love with his family. They were incredibly kind and accommodating and are these impressive people to get to know. We managed to do some fishing and hiking anyway and I got to see more beautiful scenery and Justin proved to be a great tour guide and nurse. In fact, after I returned last Sunday I felt a little bit lost without him knowing exactly how to give me my pills, help me put on sweatshirts, adjust my sling, etc.

I've tried to keep the discouragement at bay by stretching my mind and intellect. Last week was a great week for constantly refreshing cnn.com and reading up on the basics of economics, it's been 5 years since I took econ in high school. Also, after a few years of somewhat passively disagreeing with or being unsure of some of the concepts of the modern American Church I am confronting and researching these things. I am conducting this 'journey' under the knowledge that in my heart, soul and spirit I know that God is real and good and loving and infinite and a judge of absolute truth, that Jesus came to earth and was Divine, that the Resurrection was atonement and mankind's saving grace, and that even if I have a question or objection that I can't wrap my mind around I will, and actively do, choose my faith over a logical roadblock. I've been reading A Case for Faith (Lee Strobel) which has been answering questions and inspiring new ones and once I can get my thoughts in order I'm sure some musings while on vicodin will appear here.

In reference to the last time I wrote, I was cast alongside several of my best friends in Company. It's going to be a great show and great cast.

Amor,
K

I need time to stop. Right now please, for about 12 hours. That way I could get some sleep, filter out the bottle of wine I drank last night, take a shower, practice practice practice, and be ready for this audition in 1.5 hours. Instead I'm sitting here being nervous. I overdid my makeup trying to make myself feel better about the dark areas under my eyes that for some reason can't be washed away. But, I am refusing to dwell on my train wreck-ness right now. Listening to Jakob Dylan (as I have been constantly since last Saturday [that's how you can tell it was such a great show- loving the music that much more after seeing it live]), loving on the Huckleberry (dog), drinking water, all trying to make myself feel calm and like myself. Because that is what I have to offer (and what I have to believe I can contribute) at this audition. SO. So so so I will sing my song, then I will read my heart out, and whatever happens happens. This is the pep talk I've been giving myself for the past week. It wouldn't be so nerve wracking if all of my incredibly talented friends weren't also trying out... but no. I am not dwelling on that. Because I can contribute something to this show, I can, and that is what I need to show today.

Okay. So. I'm good. I'm good I'm good I'm good. Where is Charity? I need to be speaking this someone not typing it on the internet.

K

what have you been up to

There are a couple blocks on 2nd Ave that hold so many memories, walking through I see so many ghosts. I see all of these versions of myself; being 16 standing outside Singles with a couple boys with black hair who held my heart in their hands, Mel sneaking me drinks at the Crocodile, Darrin and I waiting for a table at Wasabi Bistro, that show at 2nd Ave Pizza the day before Thanksgiving when I told my mom I was staying at Melisa's but I actually went to Seattle, dinner with Aqui at Saitos, seeing Mack play at Tula's... All of these little moments packed into about two blocks.

Justin invited me to go to Wyoming with him to visit his family. I'm really excited about it. I love roadtrips, and I love going to new places. I'm excited about driving through Montana. That state captured my heart last time I was there. Also Justin's parent's dog just had 13 puppies! We leave a week from Monday.

Bumbershoot was last weekend, Char & I did all three days with Robbi & Jose and a couple more people joined us for one or two of the days. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around everything I saw and heard and otherwise experienced, but it was a great year. Highlights~ Jakob Dylan (maybe the best live show I've ever seen), Beck, Sondre Lerche, Pacific Northwest Ballet, and The Power of One exhibit (especially Nina Berman's work).

I always feel a bit melancholy after Bumbershoot because it signals summer is over. It was a good, good summer. I'll miss it. But I have adventures to come and I don't think that everything that made this summer so lovely is over yet. So yeah, life is still really good. I'm generally a happy girl lately and it's nice.

K