I've felt so strange lately. I had this moment in my car the other day while I was driving home from work where I realized how badly I wanted something and tapped into this emotion I've been ignoring for years... it was quite staggering. I've felt very delicate I guess. I've spent the better part of the past three years feeling like my heart has been dragged through the dirt by the wanting of something and then not getting it, and I don't feel strong enough to go through that again so soon. It is completely overwhelming. And I don't want to feel this way. I just want to stand in the ocean without anyone around, especially people with all of their histories. I want to go somewhere I can be anonymous, somewhere without ghosts... I guess what I am saying is that tonight, all today and last week really, I've felt very sad and alone. Like the only people I can relate to are Ondaatje and Neruda. I'm sure this will pass soon, but it would just be nice to feel like I had some more stability in my life.